Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
