Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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