I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
