If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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