Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
