Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
