Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
