I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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