if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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