Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
