I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
