idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
