Barsexuality is the new black.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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