had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
