Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
