I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
