The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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