i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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