im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
