PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
