The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
