mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
