Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
