remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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