He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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