In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
