Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
