I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
