I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
