I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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