Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
