Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
