I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
