i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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