That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
