I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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