eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
