Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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