Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
