i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
