Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
