i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
