so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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