i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
