i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
