Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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