Define "chronic" masturbator.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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