i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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