im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
