also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
