I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
