I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
