too bad you live with your parents still
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nobody cheats on THIS.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
