my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
