Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
