Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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