New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you never un-have a 4some
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
